Trapped By Monsters

JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS – Slice 11 of 13

25 November 2009 By Sam Enthoven 1 In Illustrations!, Stories!

JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS

a thirteen-part story, EXCLUSIVE to Trapped By Monsters

(Click here for previous slices: 1 ; 2 ; 3 ; 4 ; 5 ; 6 ; 7 ; 8 ; 9 ; 10)

-Eleventh Slice-

There was a pause.

‘It’s, ah, a little difficult to explain…’

‘Try me,’ said Jethro, firmly.

‘Hmm,’ said Mr Theophilus. ‘It’s rather hush-hush, actually. If I were to say that it’s an invention of my own, involving clockwork and compressed air, could we leave it at that? Microhydraulics. Very advanced. Very complicated. There now, I think I’ve said enough.’

‘And… how long will it last?’ asked Jethro, a grating note of desperation entering his voice.

‘Well, the main thing is to keep your air pressure steady. You’ve a valve under your right armpit: if you top yourself up whenever you feel a bit flat, then as long as you don’t tamper with the replacement heart there’s no reason why it shouldn’t last just as long as the rest of you does.’

‘But why didn’t you just kill me?‘ Jethro wailed.

‘My dear chap!’ said Mr Theophilus, astonished. ‘What a suggestion! In fact, that’s the very point where myself and your “serial killers” part company. While it’s true, to my eternal regret, that the operation has killed a number of guests of mine in the past, I assure you that was all before I perfected my system. No, dear boy, I don’t want to kill you. In fact…’

Mr Theophilus smiled his most dazzling smile.

‘I was rather hoping you might join my colleague and I for a spot of dinner.’

Jethro 11

-Click here for final double helping: Slices Twelve and Thirteen-

What are THE BIG GREEN TOP FIFTY?

24 November 2009 By Sam Enthoven 0 In Brilliant Books!, Links!

Remember the post I wrote a couple of months back about the poll that awesome independent booksellers The Big Green Bookshop have been running to determine people’s Top Fifty Favourite Books Of All Time?

Well, the results are in.

All this week on their blog the Big Green Booksellers will be counting down the chart from 50 before revealing the winner. There are already some surprising titles that didn’t make the list!

Whether you agree with the selection or not, there are bound to be some top notch book recommendations in there. Take a look, and happy reading.

-Sam

Shock! Horror! Competition!

24 November 2009 By Mark Robson 11 In Author Events!, Boredom Buster!

OK, so no one really got going with my last effort for a caption competition, so I’ll scrap it and give you a couple of different options to work with. Here’s a bunch of authors and librarians at Pizza Express after the Oxon & Berks Regional Final of the Kid’s Lit Quiz. Can anyone think of a caption for this one? My offer of a hardback copy of ‘Gone’ by Michael Grant stands. I shall give you until 1st December to come up with a funny caption.

KLQ Oxford 09 003

If you can’t think of a caption for that one, how about this one? We had two author teams taking part at Oxford. M.G. Harris, Elizabeth Kay (who made such a gallant rescue attempt earlier in the year) and I took on the knowledge of Lucy Coats Owen, Dennis Hamley, Susie Day and Julia Golding … and thirty one teams of bright young people. Four brains against three, proved just a little too much for us and Lucy’s team pipped us by a couple of points. It seems the normally mild-mannered M.G. Harris doesn’t take kindly to being beaten as the following photo will attest …

KLQ Oxford 09 004

Post a caption for either photo (clean language only, please!) for a chance to win.

Another rambling mess of a video

23 November 2009 By Barry Hutchison 3 In Video

This one isn’t quite as rambling and nonsensical as the last one, simply because I had questions to answer so I knew what I was going to talk about. Still, my presenting style is about as far as you can get from ‘polished’, so the whole thing is still largely incoherent.

In this one I discuss my favourite part about being an author (and mention a story I told my fellow captives just the other day). I also answer the question that’s on everyone’s lips – just what is my favourite kind of cheese?

Enjoy!

JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS – Slice 10 of 13

23 November 2009 By Sam Enthoven 3 In Illustrations!, Stories!

JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS

a thirteen-part story, EXCLUSIVE to Trapped By Monsters

(Click here for previous slices: 1st ; 2nd ; 3rd ; 4th ; 5th ; 6th ; 7th ; 8th ; 9th)

-Tenth Slice-

‘Common enough, I assure you,’ said Mr Theophilus, with a dismissive wave of one white-gloved hand. ‘Where was I?’

‘You were saying,’ said Jethro, taking a deep breath, ‘that you’re going to cook my heart.’

‘Ah! No, dear boy, you’ve misunderstood.’

‘You’re going to cut out my heart, cook it, and eat it,’ said Jethro, even more miserably. ‘Which bit don’t I understand?’

‘I’m not going to take out your heart and put it in my oven,’ replied Mr Theophilus patiently.

‘No?’

‘Gosh, no.’

‘What, then?’

‘Well: it’s been in for six hours already.’

Jethro 10

‘Wh… What?‘

Mr Theophilus turned, and caught sight of Jethro’s tears for the first time. Immediately his kindly face filled with concern.

‘My poor boy! I have been rather wittering on, haven’t I? Forgive me. You must have questions you want to ask.’

Jethro took a breath. ‘You’ve… taken… my heart?’

‘Yes. Yes I have.’ A flash of impatience crossed Mr Theophilus’ brow.

‘You’re cooking it now, and you’re going to eat it.’

‘Indubitably.’

‘Then,’ said Jethro, with obvious effort, ‘how come I can still talk to you?‘

-Click here for Slice Eleven-

Looking for your questions

22 November 2009 By Barry Hutchison 0 In General

I’m in the middle of planning out some future video blogs (although I use the word “planning” in its loosest possible sense) and I thought it’d be good to get some questions from readers of the blog which I could answer in the video.

So, if there’s something you’ve always wanted to ask an author (well, this author in particular) now’s your chance. It can be about the process of writing, getting published, finding ideas, creating character, etc, or it can be something completely different. Maybe you want to know what my favourite book or character is, or maybe your question is unrelated to reading and writing.

Perhaps you want to know if both my feet are exactly the same size, or what foods I like, or which of the muppets I reckon I could take in a straight fight. Whatever the question, ask it here in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer it in an upcoming video blog.

LIMITED EDITION NOW ON SALE

21 November 2009 By Ali Sparkes 1 In General

Woo-hoo! The Monsters have allowed me to set up a little cave industry, selling a very short run of my novel Miganium to Shapeshifter fans via my website. My designer, Phil Cole, taking instructions from me via MonsterWeb email, has revamped the whole site and put a PayPal bit in. I’ve already had some orders and it’s only just opened for business! Of course, all profits will go towards armpit hair burgers and wart treatment (growing them, not getting rid of them) for GrizzleFlub The Elder, but they said we authors might make about 7% or 8% of the cover price. Maybe. Imagine!

If you want to check out the new look site go HERE.

Tis the Season to be Joyous!

21 November 2009 By Mark Robson 1 In Boredom Buster!, General

My love of the muppets is well documented. (Even though some of them are monsters!) One of my favourite characters is Beaker, the hapless, disaster-prone subject of so many muppet experiments. Just had to share this clip of Beaker expressing his musical side with a special rendition of ‘Ode to Joy’.

Gotta love the muppets!

Sheffield Children’s Book Award

20 November 2009 By David Melling 3 In General, Important Announcement!

Ah, now then. I knew there was something. I’ll be in Sheffield on Tuesday 24th. Why? Well, Tree Goblins has been shortlisted in the Shorter Novels Category. Probably should have mentioned this earlier.

Check out the shortlist at www.sheffieldchildrensbookawards.co.uk

Wish me luck!

EEEEEEEEEEK.

20 November 2009 By Ali Sparkes 3 In General

And other excited noises. I’ve just seen Frozen In Time on Blue Peter. Blue Peter! If you want to see it, along with the other books shortlisted for the Blue Peter Book Awards 2010 go HERE. You’ll need to whizz the thingy at the bottom along to about 13.40 minutes in. Don’t forget to whoop and punch the air whenever you see the Frozen In Time cover! Even if you’re alone. As I was. Apart from the big brown dribbly post of an Earwax Monster standing over me, of course.