Invisible Fiends: Mr Mumbles publication day deserves something special to mark the occasion.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of anything special, so I’ve done a video blog instead. Enjoy!

Want to meet Frank Cotterell Boyce (author of Millions and Cosmic), Harriet Goodwin (author of The Boy Who Fell Down Exit 43, and… me?

We’re all meeting up (monsters allowing) for a special event at the Oxford Literary Festival on Saturday 20 March when BBC Newsround’s Sonali Shah will be chairing a big Q&A session with us all – because we’re all shortlisted for the Blue Peter Book I Couldn’t Put Down Award 2010.

You have to bag tickets to come and you can get them on line by going HERE and clicking on Children’s Events.

Hope to see you there!!!

Wha…? Where… where am I?

Oh. Wow. I’m back in the cave. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m glad to be back in here.

For the past few weeks the monsters have been running be ragged, shunting me from school to school, shoving me into libraries, and generally making sure I spoke to as many children as possible. It’s all because my horror series, Invisible Fiends, has now been published, and one thing the monsters here love is horror.

Here’s me at a recent visit to Bridge of Allan library, near Stirling. See if you can spot which of the “children” behind me was actually my monster escort in disguise.

That’s right, it’s the one doing the two-finger rabbit ears behind my head. You can’t see it in the picture, but he actually has six legs and four tails of varying shapes and lengths.

Anyway, I’m back for a few days, before heading off again at the start of next week. I’m hoping to sleep for the next 72 hours, but before I do I thought I’d tell you about a competition to win one of 50 copies of Invisible Fiends: Mr Mumbles. To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is add me as a friend on Bebo between now and the end of February. That’s all there is to it.

Good luck!

If you’re not up to speed with The Joshua Files by the lovely MG Harris, then shame on you! Get out and find the first two books Invisible City and Ice Shock immediately! Book One reads a bit like Jason Bourne meets Alex Rider, while Book Two is more like Indiana Jones meets Dr Who! They are great fun, with bags of action, mystery, pathos and more twists and turns than a twisty turny thing! I can’t wait to get stuck into my shiny new copy of Book Three – Zero Moment.

Zero Moment - The Cake is Cut!

Here was MG at Zero Moment last night. The cake is cut, the book is out. Go get ‘em!

Alternatively, you might just get lucky. You see, I bought an extra copy at the launch party last night and got MG to sign it. I will give it away to the person who can convince me that they deserve a free copy by coming up with the most outrageous reason why they should be sent the book, rather than anyone else. Example candidates might be:

My surname is O’Brien, but everyone calls me Zero Brain. This book must have been written for me personally because the title alone tells me my moment has come.
Or

My mate’s nickname is Kelvin Rucksack because he’s an absolute zero and everyone else has to carry him. You’d be far better giving it to me than a loser like that!

Make me laugh more than anyone else and the book is yours.

OK, with my own new book Crawlers coming in April I’m obviously biased(!) but I think 2010 is going to go down as a great year for thrilling new young people’s literature – particularly if you like stories that come in a series. Not “only” has our very own Barry Hutchison’s Invisible Fiends: Mr Mumbles just been unleashed at last (and to hear how awesome we at TBM all think that is check here, here and here) – but I’ve just read two more brand new series openers that I think are also HUGELY promising.

First up, MONSTER REPUBLIC, by Ben Horton. Unsurprisingly my initial reaction on hearing the title was “What? The monsters have a republic now??” But I soon realised my mistake and I’m glad I did: this book is FUN.

The last thing unlucky Cameron Reilly remembers is a school trip to a nuclear power station, then a dreadful explosion. Now he has woken up in a laboratory to find that his life as he knew it has gone. The flesh of his ravaged body has been stitched back together with bodyparts from his dead schoolmates (at one point he’s memorably described as a ‘walking school reunion’). But as if that wasn’t bad enough, Cameron’s now a cyborg – an experimental military prototype mixture of human and machine.

MONSTER REPUBLIC is a hugely entertaining action romp, full of widescreen Terminator-style servo-assisted smackdowns and a pleasing streak of evil-minded humour. It’s a satisfying self-contained read, but like any great series opener it also raises questions. Who is the mysterious and sadistic Dr Lazarus Fry? How will Cameron and the ragtag band of escaped mutants he meets team up to stop him? How does Cameron manage to wash himself in the mornings without shorting out and exploding in a shower of sparks? I look forward to discovering the answers to all these and more as the series continues – and so will you.

Next up, WITCHFINDER by William Hussey…

The first book DAWN OF THE DEMONTIDE isn’t out ’til March, with two more to follow after that, but I’m telling you right now folks, this will be a series to savour. William Hussey cut his authorial teeth writing horror for adults. He’s got a master’s eye for the minutiae of fear: the quickened pulse, the hairs’ bristle, and the way – in moments of purest terror – that time seems to slow to a stop. And, do you like witches? Golems? Ancient conspiracies? Demons, including one with a girl’s head on a giant spider’s body and, even scarier, one that’s taken the form of a magician’s cabinet? …Um, ok, you don’t have to answer that! But if you like stories that are weird and frightening as well as fast and thrilling (I know I do) then WITCHFINDER is for you. Don’t just take my word for it: click here and hear the author read from the opening scene.

Invisible Fiends. Monster Republic. Witchfinder. Any one of these three could be the best new series of the year – and it’s only February!

Happy Reading.

Sam

At long last – after more than a year of captivity – we are able to show you just what the vile creatures who kidnapped us look like!  Yes, these are the actual monsters who snatched us last January.

First up is Slugnok the Greater – a monster who takes particular delight in nibbling Sam Enthoven’s toes while he sleeps.  (You see, Sam – I told you it wasn’t Barry!)

Next, this is Dweep – a lesser monster with the unenviable task of slopping out the caves after our weekly slug curry.

And, finally, here’s Mr Squouch – the monster in charge of our author visits.  You’ll often find him lurking in the background whenever one of us visits a school, bookshop or library.

These terrifying, yet fantastic images were created by some of the best CGI artists in the world – and you can find a larger collection of pictures here, along with links to the artists’ websites.

However, while you are giggling at the images – please remember that these are true depictions of the monsters keeping us trapped in these dark, damp caves.  Please – send help as soon as possib-aarrrgggggghhhh!

I spoke to some bright young things at a school in Stubbington yesterday and we got to talking about poems at one point. What can you do to polish up your poetry, we pondered? Now, I don’t claim to be a poet, but I do dabble a bit. One thing that has made me love rhyming for fun is the various silly games we used to play as a family when I was growing up – and still play in my own family now. One was changing the lyrics to well known songs. It’s something that Eddie, my hero in Dark Summer, does too. For example… here’s his alternative version of a disco classic we all know well:

First I was afraid – I was mummified

Kept feeling like I was all bandaged down my right hand side

Then I spent so many nights thinking that you look like King Kong

And I grew strong. ‘Cos that much hair on girls is wrong.

And now you’re back, from outer space;

I just walked in and found your stuffing all my cheese strings in your face.

I should have changed my stupid socks, I should have thrown you in the sea,

If I’d've known for the just one second you would scoff my Dairylea…

And so on.

It’ll brilliant fun – great for long car journeys. And it makes you work hard at your rhyming and scanning.

I know you’ve all got something like this in your heads. C’mon now! Twist those lyrics! I challenge you!

One of the lovely things about being a writer is that readers often send you stories they’ve written. I get all sorts – long, short, absurd, realistic, dark, hilarious, nonsensical, brilliant, not-s0-brilliant, emailed documents, hand-written parchments… it’s all going on. And sometimes it’s hard to know how to respond, so it’s good to have a reminder of what your priorities are when you’re a teenage writer (or younger – some of the stories I’ve been sent are from 8 and 9 year-olds).

Enough preamble. What I’m trying to say is this: I’ve been trundling through the dark, forgotten corners of my computer’s memory. Each time I get a new computer I transfer a whole bundle of old files, and some of those files are now very old indeed.

Tonight I found one which looks like it was written when I was about 16. Now, I don’t remember writing anything when I was 16, so this is a bit of a surprise. It might be that I was younger, it might be I was older and for some reason the date on the file is wrong, but never mind. I wrote it. Some-when. I was younger than I am. I was onviously just messing about, so I’m not embarrassed to put it up here for you to read. I can’t imagine there’s anywhere else for me to show it, and I’ve just chuckled (twice!) reading it for the first time in at least 12 years.

Here it is, an adolescent ramble from the mind of the young Joe Craig, entitled…

WHERE DID ALL THE RUBBER TREES GO?

“Where did all the rubber trees go?” asked Furbum. “There used to be many. They came from the sea and they came from the sky. Some came on the tube from Battersea Park, but they were always late. Now there are none. Where did they all go?”

Furbum stroked his Velcro thumb across his brow. This was not the first time an impenetrable question had troubled him for more than the time it takes to polish a Swimbot’s anarchy. It was four o’clock already, and still no tea. Horatio would bring some, he was sure, but where was Horatio? The thought distracted him for a moment from his trouble with rubber trees, which was comforting. Sadly it was in that moment that he remembered he had sent all the rubber trees to be cleaned six weeks ago and had lost the receipt. They’d never let him pick them up without a receipt. They were very strict about that sort of thing. So he soon forgot the matter and sent it upstairs without pants on.

Just then the door burst. Damn those inflatable doors, thought Furbum. But who was standing in the space where the door had once been? Why, none other than Horatio Beanbelly of the East!

“I’m back,” he declared, “and this time I have eyebrows.”

“Oh Horatio,” whimpered Furbum, “I had quite forgot your sternum.”

With that, the giant threw off his elaborate felt cloak and ate a chair by the fire. He was happier than before, Furbum could tell. It was something about the way he had polished his Swimbot’s anarchy.

“Gum, Furbum?” the Beanbellied one cooed. Furbum quivered in his saucepan.

“I thought you’d never… ask.”

Never had the sun set so orange as it did that night over the estate of Furbum, Beanbelly and Goldstein. For they were happy. They had tea. And nobody missed the rubber trees.

I like the part about the door bursting. Might use that for something. I also like the ‘eyebrows’ line…

Anyone for French? I love the covers that my French publishers are putting on the Dragon Orb books. Here’s the latest that’s due to launch in March. What do you think?