But of course, such monstrous exuberance carries a heavy price. Yes, dear reader: as you’ve seen, THE DEAD’s unfortunate author David Gatward has now been consigned to the darkness of the caves to rot here with the rest of us. And he’s not the only one.

THE DEAD’s not out ’til July 1^st – my copy’s a proof – but if you love horror I’ve no hesitation in recommending you order yours now. You won’t be sorry. Unlike David. ;D

Sam

It contains an exclusive sneaky early announcement of thrilling developments currently afoot right here at Trapped By Monsters. Take a look. ;D

Sam

THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR! may (or may not) contain:

A grater!
A pair of broken spectacles!
A jar of Marmite!
A test tube!
A sock full of toenail clippings!
A stuffed goldfish!
A glass eye! and:
The green chap in the awesome image above! (but only, as David tells us, ‘if we ask him nicely.’)

Prepare yourself, gentle reader, for a dazzling display of literary pyrotechnics! a boundary-bursting phenomenon of creative experimentation! or, quite possibly, an eight-car pile-up of total story carnage that makes no sense whatsoever!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Click here for Episode 1

Well: I know my posts last week were all from my new book Crawlers, but after putting up FIVE of them I was hoping at least to be given something decent to eat for a change.

Instead, I got THIS.

The above are genuine scans from the label of the can just kicked into my pit by my monster jailer when I politely reminded him I haven’t eaten yet this month.

Here’s a closer look.

You see that? ‘SOLD AS NOVELTY ITEM ONLY’. I… I can’t eat this!

I’ve had enough. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more. It’s time for another escape attempt. Who’s with me?

Followers of TBM might remember Jethro’s Ace of Hearts, the story I posted here episodically together with some glorious artwork by our own David Melling.

Well: during the next week (starting Mon 8th March) I am going to serialize the opening scene of my new book, Crawlers.

The official launch date for the book isn’t until April. But right here, for free, every day for (as I’m currently planning-!) five days straight, you can get a special, early taste of what the book is like.

As an online-only bonus my words will be accompanied by some extraordinary images graciously provided for the purpose by digital artist Malcolm Harrison. Here’s an extra piece he sent me to give you an idea of what he can do.

I’m very excited. HEE HEE HEE HEE! Um, ‘scuse me. ;D

Til Monday then,

Sam

The first is something I was asked this week via the MySpace page of Jagmat from The Black Tattoo. Huge respect and kudos – partly just for not letting the whole shapeshifting blancmange monster thing put him off! – to Mykell, from Maryland, USA, who wondered:

What kind of research do u do when u are writing ur books?

Research… hmm. If you’re talking about facts and figures, details of setting and time and place and action… it depends.

I think details are important, especially in a fantasy story: they give the reader something to hang onto; they make things seem real. For instance, I got the fight scenes in Black Tat checked out by genuine martial artists. While I was writing the book, I met a lady at a party who turned out to be the ranking Number 3 North European Women’s Sabre Champion! She was wonderfully sporting about reading Black Tat‘s swordfights for me: I got these excellent emails from her saying, ‘Well, ok: if I was fighting a thirty-foot-long hedgehog centipede beast, I suppose I’d start off on the back foot, with this sort of a grip…’ and off she went. I hope those kinds of details give some realistic weight and crunch to Black Tat‘s fights. And if a story needs other kinds of information, I’ll find out everything I can.

But here’s the thing: that stuff should only ever be in service to the story. The story comes first. Because no amount of detail is going to make the readers care if they’re not involved in the scene, feeling for the characters, wondering what’s going to happen next.

The story is the hard bit – the main thing to focus on – it seems to me.

…Which brings me to my second question.

Slice Three of JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS, the thirteen-part story I’m currently serializing here on TBM, goes live for your delectation tomorrow (Friday) at 12 noon GMT.

My current plan is to have Slice Four go up this Monday, Slice Five go up next Friday, and so on. But a couple of my fellow prisoners (looking at you, David and Barry!) think I should go up to three episodes a week – posting on Wednesdays, too.

You, reading this: Hello! What do you think?

I think savouring the story slowly would be best – three slices a week might dominate the blog, and the story would finish very quickly. Or am I just being mean and stingy?

Leave a comment either way. I’m all ears.

…No, Bluggsvo Multilug, don’t get up: I was speaking metaphorically. No (sigh) I’m not really ‘all ears’: if you had eyes as well as ears you would be able see that. Of course I think you have ‘nice lobes’ but no, we’re absolutely not ‘destined to be together’. No: leave me alone! NO! Stop! The wax! THE WAGGLING! AAGHlp

And so, armed with nothing but my hazy memories, a wonky desk, and several thousand pounds worth of web-design and image editing software, I set to work.  The result is what you see on this page.

So, what do you reckon?  Are the changes good?  Bad?  Utterly pointless and unnecessary?  It’d be great to get your comments, whether they be positive or negative.  The more feedback we get, the better the site can become.  So, while you’re giving your thoughts on the design, let us know if there’s anything else you’d like to see here on the site, and we’ll see what we can do.

One aspect of these statistics I find fascinating is the “Search phrase” section.  This shows all the phrases people typed into Google that led them here to TrappedByMonsters.com

Usually it’s fairly obvious stuff.  “Trapped By Monsters” being an obvious example.  “Ali Sparks’ Tattoo” perhaps less so obvious, but still understandable.

Today, however, I came across a search phrase that made me stop.  I read it, then I read it again, convinced I had made some sort of mistake.  But no, I had read it correctly.  Someone, somewhere, found us by searching for the phrase:

‘a strange attraction to cows’

I’m assuming they landed on my Curse of the Magna-Cow short story segment, but what on Earth were they actually searching for in the first place?!  The mind boggles.

And then melts into a bewildered, frightened puddle on the floor.

We’ll meet there around 10pm and, at the stroke of midnight, start work on the goriest children’s book the world has ever seen.  We’ll have monsters attacking from every angle – and use every paragraph we write to tear them apart, limb from limb, tentacle from tentac-

What was that?  No…  It’s OK.  I just thought I heard something move, in the shadows over there.  Where was I?

Oh yes…  By the time we’ve finished the book, the monsters we’ve spent our entire careers inventing won’t know what’s hit them!

See you all tonight!