Long-time readers of this blog may remember that way back in May last year I attempted to rescue the authors from their hideous monster captors. It was a complete and utter disaster (possibly because I tried to rescue them using rhyming couplets, never a good idea). Ever since then, the monsters have been out for revenge… and this month they finally managed to get it!

They lured me in by pretending to be representatives from the Boggart’s Gob Literary Festival, and asked me if I’d like to put on an event for teenagers in their quaint little village. They promised me ice cream, so how could I say no?! (They obviously knew my one weakness: that I’m weak!) I expected there to be a huge festival, in honour of me of course, but on arriving there was just one large, moist, smelly tent with a banner hanging over it on which ‘Book orfurs in heer’ had been written.

Despite being slightly suspicious I walked inside – only to discover that I wasn’t in a tent at all but an actual Boggart’s Gob! It took me a little while to pass through the foul beast’s digestive system, and when I finally plopped out of its rear end I realised that things were far, far worse than I ever could have imagined. I had been… Trapped By Monsters!

My first ever book!

Luckily I was prepared for such a scenario. In fact, I’ve been prepared for an encounter with monsters ever since I was a wee boy (a young boy, that is, not a boy made from wee). My first ever book, written when I was six or so, was actually called The Silly Monster Book! As you can see, it is a literary masterpiece, but I didn’t just write it to win the Nobel Prize for Literature, oh no. Somewhere in my young head I must have known that one day I would be captured by foul beasts, and I wrote this book to prepare me for the horrors that lay ahead.

The Silly Monster Book is my only defence against the creatures who dwell down here, and I’m hoping it will tell me enough about them to let me escape. For example, I can clearly see that the Pood has enormous feet, which might let me outrun it. The Swit is so tall it might not see me all the way down here. And the ferocious Need appears to have a strange frilly brassiere for eyes, which means I might be able to sneak past it. With this book, I might just survive.

Just so long as the unthinkable doesn’t happen…

Just so long as my worst nightmare doesn’t come true…

Just so long as I don’t come face to face with the most terrifying monster imaginable…

The Ploop!

I like to think of myself as a patient person. But I expect patience is one of those things like driving, where we all think we’re above average, but we can’t possibly all be above average, can we?

In the last 12 months I’ve had to learn that patience is a huge part of being a writer. But I don’t like it. The publishing business seems to move at the pace of a snail covered in treacle driving an electric car up a hill in reverse. Decisions take weeks. Action takes months. Negotiation takes forever.

Compared to all of that, writing is a speedy whippet of a thing, breezing through a racehorse stable with a jetpack. Trouble is, that makes it all the more frustrating that projects progress so slowly. To be honest, even when things are going well I find it incredibly demoralising. Maybe this is a symptom of my short attention span. Sometimes I get news (good, bad, indifferent) on projects I’ve forgotten I’m even involved with.

It makes me think that if I had the technical expertise I would just bypass the whole industry and publish everything I write on a website to sell (or give away) my stories directly. I’m not talking about rushing out something that’s substandard. I still take great care over what I write and I never even show it to anybody until I’m happy that it’s as good as it can possibly be. Then I enjoy the process of continuing to rewrite to satisfy excellent notes from my agent and editors. It’s everything else that seems to take so long.

Surely the future is quicker…

When I first started out as an author, I made the decision to self publish my first book. I did so before really exploring the traditional publishing route properly. If I had persevered, my first series might have eventually been published by a major publisher … but I doubt it. The story in The Forging of the Sword was too similar to other stories by better authors, and was riddled with cliches. That said, it was the best story I could write at the time and I’m still very proud of it. Especially as it has gone on to sell tens of thousands of copies in the UK … and to attract the interest of the German arm of the publishing giant, Random House Books.

Next year (almost 10 years exactly since I took delivery of the first print run of The Forging of the Sword) all four of my ‘Darkweaver Legacy’ books will launch in Germany, published for the first time by a traditional publishing house. This sort of feels like vindication of my belief in that first set of novels. I’m hoping that they gave the books a good edit while they were translating, as the books were rather over-written – I guess I’ll never know, as my German isn’t good enough for me to be able to read them in that language! I absolutely love the covers they have given the books. They are very reminiscent of the original artwork on the covers of The Belgariad by David Eddings, which were my favourite fantasy series as a teenager.

Here is the German cover for The Forging of the Sword. If you want to see all four covers, you can see them on the news page of my website, or on my blog.

The Forging of the Sword (German Edition)

That was the sound of my jaw hitting the cave floor, when I read the first line of Furnace: Death Sentence by Alexander Gordon Smith. By the time I was at the bottom of page one I’d forgotten that my mouth was still open, and it was only when I finished the book that I remembered. My tongue has dried to the exact consistency and stickiness of a rubber-faced ping pong paddle. But enough about my hobbies.

Here’s a link to a review I wrote back in April of the first book in this series, Furnace: Lockdown. I won’t tell you anything about what happens in the follow-up, Furnace: Solitary, or the third book, Furnace: Death Sentence, as I don’t want to risk ruining the story for you. I’m just going to say that these books have more that lived up to the promise of the first: in my opinion, this is the best and most thrilling YA series being published right now. If you’re a fan of fast and ferocious storytelling, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

PS: Have you ever wondered how the books that you see in bookshops are chosen? Out of all the thousands of books published each year, who chooses which of them are going to be there on the shelves of bricks-and-mortar shops for you to pick up at look at? For an insight into this utterly crucial aspect of the book trade — and for a rare opportunity to review books yourself, before they’re even published! — check this blog post by samurai bookseller Simon Key, of The Big Green Bookshop.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been getting a lot of emails recently asking for free books – some from the type of organisations that contact authors on a regular basis, but increasingly from children asking me to send them a signed copy.

Without wishing to sound harsh, my response is always in several parts:

One – authors don’t get their books for free.  Yes, we get a small number of ‘author copies’ when the title is first published (usually around 10, which immediately go to friends and family) but if we want more, we have to buy them just like everyone else.  So, what you’re really asking when you email for a free book is for me to buy you a copy, and that’s very unlikely to happen.

Two – writing books is how I make my living.  I have a house and a family, both of which cost money – money I earn by writing books.  If I then spent that money buying the very books I’ve written to give them away for free – I’d very quickly have a hungry (and angry) family on my hands!  Try nipping into your local bakers to ask for a free sandwich – I bet you already know what the answer would be.

Three – Sometimes I DO buy books to give them away for free – as competition prizes.  I recently ordered 20 copies of Scream Street 5: Skull of the Skeleton and 20 copies of Scream Street 6: Claw of the Werewolf – and I’ve already handed most of them out as prizes at events or through competitions in the Screamcast or Terror Times.  To get your hands on one, simply watch out for the next contest and enter – you might be lucky!

Four – BOOKS ARE FREE at every single library in the world.  All you need to do is join once, and then you have literally thousands of books available to you, every day of the week, for absolutely nothing.  Plus, of course, joining your local library will help support a valuable local resource which should be protected at all costs.

So, the next time you want a book for free – I recommend you enter a contest, borrow a copy from a friend, or pop your coat on and head down to your local library.  Then you’ll have something to read, and I’ll be able to have dinner!

Tommy

Ahem! Er, sorry about that, but I’m rather excited. Here’s an interview with me by Tracy Baines for her blog, Tall Tales & Short Stories. Tracy’s brilliant blog is a great information source for aspiring and up-and-coming authors. I’ve done my best to pass on a bit of whatever wisdom I’ve managed to hang onto so far(!) but if you click on the link you’ll also find exclusive details about Phase Three Of My Sinister Masterplan to Conquer the Universe — including, at last, the book’s real title!

This week sees World Book Day take place, and like many authors, my fellow captives are all off visiting schools and libraries up and down the country more or less every day this week.

I, on the other hand, am not.

You see, while I have written a few Ben 10 books and the like, I am very different from my fellow captives in that my own books aren’t out yet.  In fact, they’re not even nearly out yet.  The first one – INVISIBLE FIENDS: MR MUMBLES – comes out on Feb 1st 2010.  For the hard of counting, that’s eleven whole months away!

That’s why I’m not fully booked visiting schools this week – I’ve decided it’s best to wait until I have some books of my own to show off.

What do you mean “no-one wants me anyway”?  Of all the ruddy cheek…

Anyway, I’m settling in for a slow, boring week this week.  I have one school to visit on World Book Day itself, and will hopefully have time to fit in a live link-up from inside the cave with another, but other than that I’m going to be sitting here like Barry No Mates, twiddling my thumbs and trying to avoid looking my latest jailor – Gu’nthrr Splix – in the eye.  That’s not going to be easy, what with Gu’nthrr Splix being nothing but one huge staring eyeball.

Or, at least, I thought I was going to be sitting here bored.  However, when I collected my toilet bucket from the monsters today, I found a very damp, very smelly parcel inside.  What’s more, it was addressed to me!

“Great!” I thought.  “Some fresh underwear.  And maybe some Maltesers.”

How wrong I was.  The parcel wasn’t full of pants.  Nor did it cotain round balls of honeycomb with a delicious chocolate coating.  Instead it contained something even more exciting.  Namely a big bundle of proof copies of my first book!

Look at it sitting there, all proof-copyish.  I took a few photos of myself holding it, but since I haven’t been allowed to shave or shower in a month, I didn’t come out looking my best.  I decided to let Homer Simpson stand in for me.  I think he does a fine job of conveying how terrifying the series is on my behalf.

For those of you who don’t know, proof copies are rough mock-ups of books that publishers put together to help sell the book to foreign publishers/film producers, and anyone else who might fancy buying certain rights.

Although the book itself will look very different when it is released in February, this is the first time I’ve seen my story in anything even vaguely resembling the finished product, so I intend to spend the time the others are away just staring at it with a somewhat goofy expression on my face.

I also got an email this morning from a Norwegian TV company asking about the Invisible Fiends series.  All in all a very unusual day…