I met two Ghost Goblin fans during my visit to Chandlings School, Abingdon a few weeks back. I have since been sent these great pictures. I present to you William and Thomas Kent.

Or rather: Butt-Knuckle (top), and Cold Jack (bottom).

And the great thing is - they’re twins!

The monsters have continued to work me hard recently, packing me up and shunting me all over the place to run workshops and events at schools and libraries across the country.

Last week I was posted to Aberdeen. This week I was sent to Strathblane, near Stirling, before being carted down to Glasgow by Brenda, one of the few monsters who can almost pass as human in public. If you ignore seven of her legs.

I was due to be appearing at the fifth AYE WRITE book festival in Glasgow, and I was gobsmacked to discover that I was being allowed to spend the night in a fancy hotel, with nary a slime-fargle or a snorkthunker in sight. It’s wall to wall slime-fargles and snorthunkers around the caves these days. We should probably get someone in to do something about it.

Anyway, I was even more gobsmacked to discover that Brenda wasn’t staying in the hotel. If she stays out of her effluent bath for too long her hide goes all flaky, so she had to return to the caves. Almost as soon as she was out of the way, I made a break for it, sneaking out of my hotel room and racing towards the door like Ali Sparkes towards a box of quality fudge.

I pulled open the door at the top of the stairs, only to be confronted by another ‘guest’ who was staying at the hotel. Of course, the disguise didn’t fool me. I know a monster when I see one.

Before she could brand me the Weakest Link, I legged it back to my room and locked myself in until morning. There was no way I was getting past that. Sure enough, I heard her out there in the corridor all night, pacing back and forth, occasionally snuffling at the gap beneath my door. Give me Brenda any day, flaky or otherwise.

Anyway, I survived the night, and went on to have a great day at AYE WRITE. While there I discovered that Tommy had also been packed up and shipped to the festival, although we were kept in different hotels, presumably so we couldn’t make any escape plans.

Next week I’m being boxed up and posted to Thurso on the very north coast of Scotland, and then I’m back in the caves for a few weeks, so expect some more regular posting from me then.

Probably.

It turns out that the mass break out of authors from the cave last week had been carefully stage-managed by the monsters. They were waiting for us everywhere we went. Despite scattering across the country, racing from school to school in an effort to escape, it was all to no avail. They were way ahead of us.

The sixth form students at Abbeyfield School in Chippenham had been wrestling with this dragon for ages before I arrived. The reason everyone is smiling and happy in this photo is because the dragon had just eaten the librarian and we were all feeling very relieved to no longer be on the menu for lunch!

My round of schools included: The Licensed Victualler’s School in Ascot (now there’s a school I wish I’d gone to as a boy!), Abbeyfield School in Chippenham, Wheatley Park School in Oxford, St Bartholomew’s School in Newbury (whose students hijacked me and locked me in a room for an extra two hours after school so I could help them finish off some of their stories!  Really!  It was like the monster abduction all over again!) and Magdalen College in Brackley.   I had a great week, but am somewhat frustrated to find that despite my best efforts to escape, I’m back here in the cave again at the end of it.

Today is World Book Day!  Hurray!

And I’m not running any events!  Boo!

I was supposed to be at Coleshill Heath School yesterday, Alcott Hall School today and Starbank Primary School tomorrow – but I’ve had to postpone all three visits because I’ve got a throat infection.  Yes, yours truly is completely mute.  I can’t even whisper.  And my throat hurts.  A lot.

Thanks for the sympathy.

Still, I’ve got a couple of (silent) treats up my sleeve for today – the first being a pdf file of spooktacular Scream Street activities that you can download from the World Book Day website here: http://www.worldbookday.com/assets_cm/files/pdf/10webA1P_Vampire_Activity_Sheets.pdf

You should also find some fun Scream Street information in your school’s World Book Day pack.

Have a great day!

Tommy

Andy and I were both dozing in a pile of ogre dung (look – it’s warm, alright?!) when the Monsters suddenly seized us, hosed us down, put us in normal person clothes (and insisted I wear That Badge) and dragged us through the network of tunnels down to the south coast and out into Portsmouth. Then, under cover of weeping Pompey footballers and agitated accountants, they led us into Fratton Park where The 2010 Portsmouth Literature Quiz (seniors) was taking place.

Here we met free-range author Craig Simpson who, having been in the real world for many more days than Andy and I this past year, shored up our patchy knowledge of literature and led us to a… not entirely shameful score.

Hosts of Portsmouth school teams were there to show off their considerable knowledge and St Edmunds School supplied the victors. A shame about the trophy getting superglued to one pupil’s eye. It came off later. The trophy, not the eye.

The photographer has cleverly airbrushed out all fangs, claws and dribble-soaked fur from the minders posted just behind us, and photoshopped in some normal looking Hampshire book fans. Also managed to make me look less virusy (anyone who reads my website musings will know I’ve been embarrassingly feeble recently) and Andy quite friendly. Craig’s expression, however, cannot be mistaken. His thought? ‘Which one of these two smells more ogre dungy?’

Last week saw the official launch events for my new horror book – INVISIBLE FIENDS: MR MUMBLES. I spent a few days touring schools, talking to enormous groups of children, signing books, and generally having a fab time.

One of the events took place at the Scottish Book Trust in Edinburgh, with pupils from three schools shipped in specially for the occasion.

It was probably my favourite event of the lot. Everyone was really eager, with lots of great questions. They even laughed at my jokes. Trust me, that’s a very rare thing indeed.

One of the organisers – the lovely Chris Newton at Scottish Book Trust – sent me over a few photos from the event. Scroll down to see some of them, and get a glimpse of the banner the wonderful people at HarperCollins had produced for me.

Barry reading from Mr Mumbles

Taking questions

Me and Mr Mumbles

Clicking any of the pictures will make them larger, by the way. Probably should have mentioned that before.

Wha…? Where… where am I?

Oh. Wow. I’m back in the cave. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m glad to be back in here.

For the past few weeks the monsters have been running be ragged, shunting me from school to school, shoving me into libraries, and generally making sure I spoke to as many children as possible. It’s all because my horror series, Invisible Fiends, has now been published, and one thing the monsters here love is horror.

Here’s me at a recent visit to Bridge of Allan library, near Stirling. See if you can spot which of the “children” behind me was actually my monster escort in disguise.

That’s right, it’s the one doing the two-finger rabbit ears behind my head. You can’t see it in the picture, but he actually has six legs and four tails of varying shapes and lengths.

Anyway, I’m back for a few days, before heading off again at the start of next week. I’m hoping to sleep for the next 72 hours, but before I do I thought I’d tell you about a competition to win one of 50 copies of Invisible Fiends: Mr Mumbles. To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is add me as a friend on Bebo between now and the end of February. That’s all there is to it.

Good luck!

I’ve been trying something new this week – and it’s been great!

Instead of driving from my dark, damp cave to Kent and back (270 miles each way) to run my creative writing classes, I’ve been linking up with year 8 pupils at Holmesdale Technology College over the Internet each day.

Using Skype (a free Internet telephony and video conference program), I’ve been teaching pupils at the opposite end of the country how to come up with unique story ideas, develop three-dimensional characters and plan a three-act plot.  And I haven’t had to charge a penny in travel expenses!

As you can see in the image below, grabbed from screen during today’s session, I get to see the class in front of me and – at their end – I’m projected on a screen on the wall (very Big Brother!)  This is the view I get – the pupils filling the window and me in a box in the corner.  They, of course, see the opposite.

The whole thing is still a learning process and, as with any new endeavour, there are pros and cons:

On the plus side…

• I get to work from the cave, so I can get some writing done instead of driving to and from the school

• The school only pays for my time and not travel and/or accommodation expenses

• I’m working on ways to show screen elements, such as graphs, illustrations and writing examples

On the minus side…

• There are occasional technical glitches – but nothing, so far, that’s stopped us from linking up

• I can’t point to individual members of the class to ask questions

• I have to make my own cups of tea!

It is, however, HUGELY EXCITING, and I intend to set up many more of these sessions.  If any other schools are interested in linking up with me in this way – to wherever you are in the world – please drop me a line.

There’s no end to where we could go with this kind of event – in fact, the Skype’s the limit!

Tommy

And it’s all my fault!  I’d snuck out of the cave to attend the UK final of the Kid’s Lit Quiz in the prestigious Oxford Town Hall. 

Oxford Town Hall - KLQ UK Final

I was particularly interested to go, as it was not only a chance to catch up with some of the 31 other authors attending (and to meet some of those I’d not met before) but also a chance to meet the comic genius who is Harry Enfield.  Unfortunately the monsters caught up with me just as I was in conversation with Harry, and the beast that has currently taken up residence on the face of fellow author, Philip Ardagh, chose that moment to attack us both! 

It was something of a hairy moment, but razor sharp as ever, Harry turned and bearded the beast.  With a yell of  ‘Must dash!’ he escaped by a whisker. 

I, on the other hand, didn’t!  I did manage to evade being dragged back to the cave long enough to see the marvellous team of boys from Wheatley Park School win the competition.  It was an outstanding performance, as there were some excellent teams competing and any one of three teams could have won right to the final question.  Talk about nail-biting finish! I wish them all the very best for the World Final next summer, which will be held up in Edinburgh.

OK, so no one really got going with my last effort for a caption competition, so I’ll scrap it and give you a couple of different options to work with. Here’s a bunch of authors and librarians at Pizza Express after the Oxon & Berks Regional Final of the Kid’s Lit Quiz. Can anyone think of a caption for this one? My offer of a hardback copy of ‘Gone’ by Michael Grant stands. I shall give you until 1st December to come up with a funny caption.

If you can’t think of a caption for that one, how about this one? We had two author teams taking part at Oxford. M.G. Harris, Elizabeth Kay (who made such a gallant rescue attempt earlier in the year) and I took on the knowledge of Lucy Coats Owen, Dennis Hamley, Susie Day and Julia Golding … and thirty one teams of bright young people. Four brains against three, proved just a little too much for us and Lucy’s team pipped us by a couple of points. It seems the normally mild-mannered M.G. Harris doesn’t take kindly to being beaten as the following photo will attest …

Post a caption for either photo (clean language only, please!) for a chance to win.