We’re no stranger to monsters round these parts.

We’ve masses of mungdunkers, hordes of harpoogles, swarms of swampbams and gangs of thangs with fangs all over the place.

But while some creatures are cool and many monsters are truly terrifying, there are a fair few fantasy beings that I find, well, annoying.

Take trolls for instance. If kicking around under bridges occasionally intimidating goats floats their boat (or even floats their goat) then that’s their lookout. But perhaps it would be a more productive use of their time if they chilled out a little, maybe learned a few bridge maintenance skills and started earning an honest crust so they can buy pizzas instead of unsuccessfully trying to gobble up passing livestock.

And what about giants? Who do they think they are? Eh? They reckon they’re “all that”, but being a giant isn’t big or clever. Okay, it is big, but it isn’t clever. Unless they’ve gone to giant university and studied really hard, in which case they probably are quite clever. Right, so being a giant is big and/or clever in certain circumstances, but by and large they just get on my nerves. So you take size 324 shoes and your pants could comfortably be used as a big top for a homeless circus? Big deal. Get back up that beanstalk and stop showing off.

I wonder what fantasy creatures you find annoying?

Are pixies a pain? Do you think unicorns are useless? Do you wish centaurs would accidentally gallop into a disused mine shaft? Are wizards wallies? Has anyone used the word “wallies” since 1985? Does Noel Edmonds count as a fantasy creature?

Answers on the back of a shaved weasel to the usual address, folks.

Trackback URL