The next time you get a book signed by your favourite author you might think he or she is scribbling their name with just any old thing.

But you’d be wrong.

To authors, the choice of pen is a very important thing. As important as a conductor’s baton. As important as a F1 driver’s helmet. As important as a… I dunno… just important, right?

Because you can get it badly wrong. Picture the scene. It’s ten minutes to lunch and you’ve got 200 Year 7s mad to get their brand new copies of your book signed after a fabulous author presentation… You’ve got to be witty, You’ve got to be entertaining – but above all – you’ve got to be FAST!

Or risk sending 150 them off to lunch unsigned, muttering, casting you looks heavy with the kind of darkness only a 12-year-old can really achieve.

Me – I can’t do without my Uni-ball Jetstreams! They’re ballpoints but they really glide along fast on that paperback paper. And if it’s a poster, it’s a Sharpie for me.

Recently I bumped into Justin Somper at an authory event and he was equally passionate about the Uni-Ball Gel Impact. ‘They run out very quickly,’ he admitted, ‘but they are very smooth for signing.’

So – in the interests of… me being quite interested… I decided to do a little survey among authorkind. And here is what they told me…

TOMMY DONBAVAND: Ballpoint? BALLPOINT?! I use only the finest fountain pens and imported ink! Or my own blood. Or a crayon. Actually, in all seriousness, fountain pens are rubbish for signing: the ink bleeds through the paper and the nibs often rip the page. So, as much as I’d love to use one, I prefer a black gel ink pen for that particular task.

But he would not be drawn on which make. Obviously he’s getting the sponsorship deal bagged first.

SARAH WEBB: Pink gel pens for me – and I add stamps and stickers – tres girlie I know but it keeps me amused. Sophia Bennett adds table confetti – posh or what!

Dear god – when does she find the TIME?

MARK ROBSON: I’m a Parker ballpoint kinda guy, I’m afraid.

We always knew, Mark, we always knew…

DAVID GATWARD: A pen knife – I sign only in blood… I then move on to the gimp tethered under the table.

Not sure if this is true but I am now quite afraid of Gatward and have requested a cave a bit further away.

MATT HAIG: I like Sharpies, because they look professional and intimidate children into silence – but a grubby old civilian Bic will do.

CHAE STRATHIE: I’m afraid I’m going to be deeply unoriginal and back the basic black Sharpie for book-signing duties. Chunky enough to have impact, yet with a nib that is just pointy enough to afford control when signing during an earthquake or while in heavy seas in a small trawler.

A word of warning though – I once made the mistake of assuming that the coloured “whiteboard” Sharpies would be as indelible as the standard black version, and the child ended up with bright red hands that made her resemble a terrifying tiny serial killer.

JOE CRAIG: I have a collection of Sharpies of all colours, including the mini-sharpies, which are great for slipping in your pocket in case of unexpected signing opportunities. I like to sign a book in a colour that matches the front cover, though I haven’t always been able to stay consistent. My default colour is always green.

The Sharpie is the only pen I’ve found that makes a colourful, bold impact while also being permanent enough to sign shoes, shirts, phones, cartons, lunch cards and all the other random objects I’m asked to put my name on. So my one favoured pen above all others is the green, fine point Sharpie.

Thanks, Joe. Very thorough as ever-

HOWEVER! I also love the Pilot Signpen. If I’m just signing BOOKS, and no other random things that require the good and true permanent ink of the Sharpie, the Pilot Signpen is best for smoothness, speed, pleasure and comfort.

OK, thanks Joe.

Unfortunately I have never found the Pilot Signpen in green. I use the black, red and blue ones, but the green Sharpie remains my standard signing pen.

JOE!

Now, to write with, I usually use my beautiful fountain pen, but for writing in bed or on the move the only one I’ll use is the Pilot G-1 0.7.

CHAE! Set your mini serial killer on him NOW.

SAM ENTHOVEN: I like a Uni-ball Eye Fine in my customary festive BLACK. Here (attached) is a pic of one in action at a recent school event.

For posters and other less absorbent surfaces (but no body parts: no, no mate, no, seriously, there are so many reasons why I’m not going to sign your bum, in fact I’m kind of alarmed I’ve even been asked that) I, too, go with a Sharpie.

GILLIAN PHILIP: Sharpies are clearly going to win for posters etc by about ten lengths. For writing I like black Bics, I think they’re called Z4 Needlepoint, but hard to tell because the print’s rubbed off. In fact I had a wee panic there realising I couldn’t find one & had to go hunting through pockets…

JON MAYHEW: It’s a Sharpie for posters I’m afraid but I like those Italic pens for scribbling in books… actually, I’m a bit of a pen tart and will probably sign with anything, including a child’s severed finger…

That must bump up your public liability insurance premiums, Jon. And they run out so soon, don’t they?

CHRIS PRIESTLEY: I favour the £50 Parker ballpoint I borrowed from someone the other night. Much nicer than the pens I normally use. You need something that runs smoothly and dries quickly.

Borrowed, Chris? Borrowed?

PEN WARS is set for a sequel as many more authors spring into effusive and deeply thought out response when they really should be working on a second draft. Philip Ardagh has requested four hours to think it through and fashion the best response. I begged him to make it one hour, but you know what he’s like…

Trackback URL