THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!

A Trapped by Monsters story

With art usually by David Melling

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Me lurched over to one, er… one, two…  one, two…  Flug!  What come after two…?  OK, start again…

Me lurched over to lots of tables on which more than two aufors were strapped.  Me looked down at them.  Them looked up at me.  We looked and looked and looked, and them me fought it must be my turn to talk.

“Me will eat you!” me said, in a scary way.  Them looked scared.

“I don’t actually taste very good,” said one of the aufors.  Me don’t know her name, but she was wearing a shirt that said, ‘Buy The Clumsies by Sorrel Anderson – it’s really good‘, and a badge that said, ‘Hi – I’m Sorrel Anderson, author of The Clumsies‘ and a hat that said, ‘Stop me and ask if I’m Sorrel Anderson‘.  So, I fink it might have been Gillian Philip.

“No, I’m Gillian Philip!” said the aufor on the next table.  Me wondered how she had been reading my foughts, but then me realised me must have been finking with the outside voice again.

“Don’t forget me,” said the last aufor.  “My name’s Barnaby Richards, and I’m an illustrator – so I shouldn’t really be here at all!”

“Silence!” me roared.  These aufors were giving me a tummy ache in my head.  “Me and Rodney will eat you all!”  The first aufor pulled a ‘Sorrel Anderson souvenir handkerchief (3 for £4.99)’ from her pocket and blew her nose.

“Rodney?” asked Gillian Philip.  “Who’s Rodney?”

Then the door swung open and me looked to see Rodney slide in.  Rodney is my best friend.  He’s a blob monster with four eyes and no legs.  “Rodney is my best friend,” me said.  “He’s a blob monster with four eyes and no legs.”

Then somefink weird happened.  Rodney pulled off his head and it wasn’t really Rodney at all.

“I’m not really Rodney at all!” announced the person inside the Rodney costume.  Then he fumped me on the head wiv a big stick.  As me slumped to the floor, me watched in terror as another aufor stepped out of the hollow Rodney.

“Thanks!” grinned Barnaby Richards.  “But who are you, brave rescuer?”

“I’m Alex Milway,” replied the not-Rodney, “and I managed to escape from my own cell just in time, by the looks of things.  Now, follow me – I know where the others are…”

Then, as this looked-like-Rodney-but-wasn’t-Rodney stared down at me, everyfink went black.  Me like black.  It goes wiv anyfink.

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