In this occasional series I shall look at the main obstacles the writer faces when attempting to transfer words from the brainbox, down the arm, into the hand – or talon if you’re an owl – and thence via pen, crayon or keyboard (computer, not piano) onto paper for the reading of.

Here is the first instalment, coming, as it does, before any of the others:

Enemy No.1 – Distractions

One of the greatest obstac… Oh look! A cloud in the shape of an organ grinder!

Sorry. As I was saying, one of the greatest obstacles to actuall… I wonder how high I could pile these dry roasted peanuts on top of each other?

What? Oh right. As I was saying, one of the greatest obstacles to actually sitting down and writ… I bet you a fiver I could throw this scrunched up bit of paper into that hollow plastic badger on the other side of the room with my eyes closed.

ARRRGGGH!!!

You see, the problem with distractions is they’re just so… distracting.

It’s amazing how unbearably irresistible hoovering a small rug becomes when you have an important writing project impatiently demanding your undivided attention.

I mean just look at those deliciously tempting, food-encrusted dirty dishes simply begging to be washed. And that grass isn’t going to mow itself is it? (though it would be very handy if it did mow itself, if a little unsettling).

My house is never as clean and tidy as it is when I should be writing.

The distant murmer of the television draws me, Siren-like, to be writer-wrecked on the sofa. And don’t even talk to me about the Internet.

No, seriously, DON’T talk to me about the Internet, because I’ll only start listening to you and then I’ll talk back and before we know it we’ll have chatted about the Internet for two hours and I won’t have done any writing and by then it’ll be time to iron my socks or pluck my knees or something.

So the only way I can really make sure I concentrate fully on writing is to shut myself away in a small corner of a darkened room with a blanket over my head, disable the Internet on my laptop, put headphones on and play loud music (preferably something instrumental or sung in a language I can’t understand) to block out all external sounds.

The only distraction I’m left with is daydreaming. But then, for writers daydreaming is one distraction that isn’t just allowed, it’s positively essential.

(I was going to carry on to cover procrastination, but I’ll do that next time.)

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