I spoke to some bright young things at a school in Stubbington yesterday and we got to talking about poems at one point. What can you do to polish up your poetry, we pondered? Now, I don’t claim to be a poet, but I do dabble a bit. One thing that has made me love rhyming for fun is the various silly games we used to play as a family when I was growing up – and still play in my own family now. One was changing the lyrics to well known songs. It’s something that Eddie, my hero in Dark Summer, does too. For example… here’s his alternative version of a disco classic we all know well:
First I was afraid – I was mummified
Kept feeling like I was all bandaged down my right hand side
Then I spent so many nights thinking that you look like King Kong
And I grew strong. ‘Cos that much hair on girls is wrong.
And now you’re back, from outer space;
I just walked in and found your stuffing all my cheese strings in your face.
I should have changed my stupid socks, I should have thrown you in the sea,
If I’d've known for the just one second you would scoff my Dairylea…
And so on.
It’ll brilliant fun – great for long car journeys. And it makes you work hard at your rhyming and scanning.
I know you’ve all got something like this in your heads. C’mon now! Twist those lyrics! I challenge you!
30/01/2010 at 9:24 am Permalink
How about this from Queen: Killer Spleen
He keeps a barbeque cook book in his little masonette
‘Charcoal is best’ he says, ‘It beats using coal brickettes.’
It’s just simple chemistry for sizzling variety
And anytime an invitation ‘Come round and dine’
Rocket leaves and vineg’rettes well versed in etiquette
Extr’ordinarily nice
He cooks a killer spleen, sauted brain florentine, dynamite with some gizzard cream
Guaranteed to blow your mind… (anytime)
Recommended at the price Insatiable an appetite (wanna try?)
30/01/2010 at 9:56 am Permalink
Fabulous! Much better than the original. Am picturing Freddie with a spatula and stripey apron now…
Keep ‘em coming, boys! (and any visiting girls – c’mn Patricia and Val!)
30/01/2010 at 11:00 am Permalink
Let’s all sing along to Superstar by Jamelia (sorry)
Ali keeps on taking bout (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
How you’re trapped in here and you can’t get out (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
You keep writing stuff on bits of paper
The Monsters keep you later and later
I been thinkin bout this
You should get movin
What keeps you in there?
Can’t be their cookin
I don’t really understand you
So I got a few suggestions bout some stuff to do
(you do, you do)
You punch them with your fists
Or slap their warty wrists
Or kick them very far
Then you could all get out and be superstars
And buy your wives and husbands an expensive car
30/01/2010 at 1:20 pm Permalink
Abba anyone?
Every night and their eyes just glow
Green and yellow look, there they go!
You could distract them with the right music, make their ugly bodies swing
That could be just the thing
But what sort of music would they buy?
Would they sing it low or maybe, high?
Maybe a bit of rock music, might get them to whine
Well, we have the answer here
And you may think it queer
But they love the Neighbours theme, old decay with a strangled scream
The Neighbours theme, the heaving hulk eats your tambourine ohh yeah
They can’t dance, but you can hide, escaping with most of your life
Ooo see that ghoul with teeth of green, diggin the Neighbours Theme
30/01/2010 at 2:13 pm Permalink
Ha haaa, Mark.
I love, ‘Charcoal is best’ he says, ‘It beats using coal brickettes.’
Clever clogs… Freddie would have sung it for sure.
04/02/2010 at 9:36 pm Permalink
Not a well-known song, Ali, but one hot off the press. Will do a song soon though…
Internet Girl! Or is it Boy?
I’ve been wondering this
As I stare at my screen
Tapping at my keyboard
(It could do with a clean.
There’s half a pork pie and a
Pasty between the keys,
If I use a toothpick,
I might even get some of that cheese)
But that’s just a distraction,
A thing that’s got in the way
Of the real quest I seek,
Of what I wanted to say:
Is the internet human?
Is it boy? Girl? Can’t tell?
Or is it non-gender specific?
Like an amoeba (with one cell?)
I reckon it might be neither
MALE
Nor
FEMALE
But prefers to be known as an
EMAIL!