My jailer has been in a terrible mood recently. In the end I thought I’d better try cheering him up with a joke or two. The first few fell flat, but he seemed to like this one. I’ve got a horrible feeling that what he liked about it was the human suffering involved.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden …

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet.”

“Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee”.

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture …

there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon …

every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!”

“Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don’t forget.”

“Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon … ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree”.

And with that … Luis races towards the tree.

He’s within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens fire and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he’s mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

“Pepe … go back man, you was right. Ees not a bacon tree.”

“Luis Luis, mi amigo … what ees it?”

“Pepe…ees not a bacon tree…

Ees …

Ees …

Ees …

Ees …

Eees a Ham Bush!”

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