JETHRO’S ACE OF HEARTS

a thirteen-part story, EXCLUSIVE to Trapped By Monsters

story (c) Sam Enthoven / illustrations (c) David Melling, 2009. All rights reserved.

(Click here for previous slices: 1st ; 2nd ; 3rd ; 4th ; 5th ; 6th ; 7th)

-Eighth Slice-

Jethro looked blank. Mr Theophilus’ smile did not waver.

‘Those were primitive days, so you can imagine the way they saw it at the time,’ he said, still grinning. ‘Her “steadfast heart” eventually caused her to end up being made a saint herself! And all the while the real reason it didn’t burn was actually very simple. They didn’t cook it for long enough.’

Jethro’s face was very pale by now, but Mr Theophilus was hitting his stride.

‘You see, Joan of Arc had a very strong heart. She was a fit and healthy young woman who, if it hadn’t been for the saints, would probably have lived to a ripe old age. So: if her executioners had wanted the cooking process to last anything less than about fourteen hours, they would’ve needed considerably better equipment than what was available in 1431!’ He shook his head with amusement. ‘Now,’ he went on, ‘young, strong, tough hearts like hers aren’t usually any good to me.’

‘No?’ said Jethro weakly.

‘Oh dear me no. The problem is, if a heart’s too healthy the roasting process just dries out all the juices. It’s a crying shame. All you’re left with is this ghastly lump the consistency of a squash ball. Ugh! No: my speciality’s strictly a twenty-first century thing – a true marvel of the technological age. I like a modern heart. Succulent. Juicy. And, of course, marbled with fat.’

‘Fat?‘ echoed Jethro, in a voice from far away.

‘Yes indeed,’ said Mr Theophilus.

Silently, Jethro began to cry.

-Click here for Slice Nine-

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