Via TBM guest blogger, John Dougherty…

Dear Mr Donbavand, Mr Hutchison, Ms Sparkes, Mr Melling, Mr Craig, Mr Robson, Mr Enthoven and Mr Briggs

Thank you for your email to the Ministry of Monsters, describing how you and seven colleagues have been kidnapped and held prisoner by a gang of desperate monsters.

Unfortunately we are unable to help you, for two reasons:

1. The Ministry of Monsters deals exclusively with the problem of the monsters under the bed. It sounds as if the monsters who have imprisoned you are a quite different type of monster, one which cannot be dealt with by the usual methods – light, well-loved soft toys and so forth

2. To be frank, you are a bit old to be believing in monsters, don’t you think? The Ministry of Monsters was set up for the benefit of children who are being bothered by monsters under the bed, not for grown-ups who really should know better in any case. Honestly, I find it a bit worrying that adults like you exist at all, never mind that you write books to be read by children.

Yours sincerely

Clyde Pumfrey-Soames
Minister for Monsters

PS No, I’m afraid that I can’t suggest anyone else who might help you. There isn’t anyone. I especially advise you against having anything to do with a boy called Jack Slater, who claims to be a freelance Monster Investigator, but is really nothing but a big show-off.

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