Last Saturday’s Crystal Palace Children’s Book Festival was AWESOME. Not “only” did I get to meet all sorts of lovely people, including festival mastermind Alex Milway; not “only” was there a particularly brilliant and unusual DJ – but I also met and chatted with Alexander Gordon Smith, the author of a new book called Furnace: Lockdown. After hearing him read a passage from it involving skinless mutant attack dogs somehow I just knew I’d have to give it a try…!

After being framed for a crime that – for once – he didn’t commit, the book’s central character, Alex, is sent to the hardest, meanest, most brutal prison there is: FURNACE. I’m not going to tell you much more because I don’t want to spoil the story for you, but I will tell you this: if you like storytelling that grabs you from page one and pummels your brain like a punching-bag then be sure to read Furnace: Lockdown. You’re in for a treat.

When I was at school, one thing I loved was prison break stories (hmm, coincidence? I think not! ;p) One of my favourites back then was a (supposedly) true story called Papillon, by Henri Charriere. The fact that Furnace reminded me of that WITH MONSTERS! is therefore about the highest compliment I can possibly bestow. Furnace: Lockdown is currently vying with Invisible Fiends in my mind as THE MOST THRILLING BOOK FOR YOUNG PEOPLE I’VE READ SO FAR THIS YEAR. Sorry to shout, but I’m very excited. Pick it up for yourself and see what I mean.

Meanwhile, I’m hoping that Gordon just might employ some of his ingenuity to help us poor TBM authors get away from our own captors’ clutches and make a break back to freedom at long last. He’s already contributed to Ali’s first poetry challenge. What do you think, Gordon? Could you come up with a cunning plan for us to escape these caves, by any happy chance??

I just tried this quiz and did pretty well. It’s not so hard when you can look around and see most of the answers staring back at you!

Mythical Creatures Trivia Quiz

Not sure that the makers of this quiz realise that the word ‘mythical’ depends on where you’re standing!

I’ve been catching up with some reading. I know these have been reviewed recently here, but I thought I’d give my view on them anyway.

Firstly, Scream Street Book 1 – Fang of the Vampire. What a great read! Quick-witted, fast-paced, with just enough scares to leave the reader satisfied on all counts, this is a great book for younger readers who want to start venturing into the scary realms of horror, but don’t want to tread too deeply, or be scared too much. The balance of thrills and laughs is perfect for its intended audience. I thoroughly enjoyed this book … as did my 9 year old daughter, who emailed me recently and ordered me to read it! She loved the characters, and the way the adventure scoots along at such a fast pace.

I also read Baz’s Invisible Fiends book, Mr Mumbles, this week.

I think this book should come with several health warnings:

1. Do not read in bed after sundown.
2. Do not read in the bath.
3. Do not read during a storm.

I inadvertantly did all of these things. Strangely enough, I found myself switching on more and more lights around the house, drawing the curtains to try to block out the sound of the wind and rain … and as for the bath, well I didn’t stay in there very long at all!

The best word I can use to describe this book is: relentless. From the moment you start on the first page, the action leaps out at you … but it doesn’t stop. It just keeps going and going and going.

Mr Mumbles is relentless. The words ‘Time to die’ are still echoing in my mind as I type. He’s rather like the Terminator. No amount of physical damage appears to slow him down. In short – he’s terrifying! The suspense is relentless and the tension … yes, that is relentless, too. In fact, by the time I reached the chilling conclusion my muscles felt stretched and taut like guitar strings. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so exhausted after reading a book.

If Invisible Fiends isn’t an instant smash hit next year, I’ll be gobsmacked. Mr Mumbles is one of the most intense reading experiences I think I’ve had in a very long time. And if they ever make the film … oh my word! I hardly want to think about what that would be like.

I was trying to avoid rising to the bait of any poetry challenge. But you can’t stay curmudgeonly forever. So here I am, with my effort.
the question I had to answer was ‘Where’s that smell coming from?’, and I had to use the word ‘LUNAR’.

I hope you (and the monsters) feel that I have succeeded…

A stinky cloud of toxic gas descended on the earth
Asphyxiating millions and terrifying scores.
Scientists and doctors searched for all that they were worth
But none of them was able to identify the cause.

So whether you be old or young, unpleasant or seductive,
Or lover, mother, father, friend, or wide-eyed honeymooner
If ever you should sense a cloud of gas that seems destructive,
You must remember this: THE SMELL THAT’S KILLING YOU IS LUNAR!

I thank you.

Word: Lunar

Question: Where is that smell coming from?

Well, don’t go blaming me for this. I didn’t let it out

It smells quite like my granny when she’s eaten too much sprout.

In the loamy lunar landscape that I sometimes call a garden

The stench is getting so intense it’s made the mushrooms harden

The neighbours called the council out. They sent round an inspector

I think she’s dead behind the hedge, but haven’t gone and checked her.

Following Mark’s poetry challenge (posted April 20th), here’s my mournful effort…

CLOUD

Upon the air there hung a cloud,

A most unpleasant smell.

Could it be my Grandma’s feet?

It’s very hard to tell.

Or maybe next door neighbour’s pet,

A llama, white as snow.

They call him Loony Lunar,

But why? I do not know.

When I was a teenager I watched Nightmare On Elm Street; the classic horror film about a terrifying deformed man who came to get you in your dreams – but only if you were young, American and very fit. I was young, English and not that fit, but even so I was freaked out and really quite scared when I went to bed that night. I’m glad to say nothing else ever spooked me quite so much.

Until I read INVISIBLE FIENDS by Barry Hutchison.

Well THANKS, Baz! Thanks a lot! 

If you’re easily scared DON’T read INVISIBLE FIENDS late at night. (Especially if you’re trapped in a monster-riddled cave.) You’ll be leaving the light on until breakfast. It’s no surprise that telly and film rights are being eagerly sniffed at before INVISIBLE FIENDS is even published (we get the advance copies here in the caves) – the deep eeriness which Barry has drenched this whole story in is very powerful. 

It’s about a boy called Kyle who has long forgotten Mr Mumbles, the invisible friend who helped him through his speech problems as a little boy. It turns out that forgetting Mr Mumbles was a very bad idea. Very bad indeed. Because Mr Mumbles never forgot Kyle. And now he’s back – and he’s not looking for a hug.

This is the 'proof' cover - the proper cover will be ready soon, on Barry's website (see the link on the right)

Across a dark, violent, rainswept Christmas Day, Kyle, with his newfound friend (and life saver) Ameena, must fight forces so evil and relentless, at times it seems they can’t possibly survive. As he discovers powers within himself with which to battle against his foe, Kyle must also travel to a grim, grey hinterland of forgotten ‘friends’ who hold some very nasty grudges.

Will he and Ameena ever escape the deadly revenge of the forgotten ‘friends’? Or will everyone in Kyle’s life eventually have to pay..?

This is the kind of story which will stay in your head for a long time. And you’ll be wanting the next book in the series the second you finish the first.

OK. I need a cup of tea and a blanket now…

And I’ve started to suck my thumb again…

This is a weird one for me. Yesterday, on my favourite film site, Twitch, I found a post with an astonishing clip from thrilling-looking upcoming animated feature film 9 by Shane Acker…

…But the Twitch team are worried it might be too scary!

It’s a serious point I guess, so I’m not going to attempt to embed the clip here: instead, here’s a link to the post where you can see the clip and the trailer for the film.

WARNING: For those likely to have nightmares – and then write in to complain about them – there’s a simple answer. Just don’t click on the link.

For anyone else… what do you think? Is this, as Twitch put it, “very definitely not for the wee ones”?

PS: Further to Barry’s post about the Crystal Palace Children’s Book Festival, the monsters have just informed me that I’m to be temporarily released from captivity in order to appear in The Bookseller Crow bookshop at around 2.30pm this Saturday. Hope to see you there!

YESSS! At last, the launch date of the next two Monster Makers books is on the horizon and the monsters have agreed to let me out for a few hours to get to Waterstone’s in Fareham Shopping Centre (Hants) and sign the shiny new copies of SPACEMITE and ROCKATAUR from midday until 2pm on Saturday 2 May.

All the more exciting is that there’s a Thorntons just round the corner and their butter tablet has definitely got my name on it if I can slip away from the monster guard long enough!!!

Aaaahhhh. Dreaming of fudge again.

My mother always told me that I was an independent child, and my father told me I was a good judge of character, so as an independent judge I hereby declare myself the winner of the poetry challenge! (As I did two poems to everyone else’s one, I’d probably have got more combined votes anyway.)  If anyone wants to disagree, you’ll have to send a complaint through my jailor, Blusterfart … literally I expect.  He’ll eat anything.

As self-declared winner of the challenge I have decided to award myself  a prize.  As the only thing vaguely resembling chocolate around here smells NOTHING like Cadburys or Thorntons, I will have to settle for awarding myself the priviledge of setting the next challenge.  You can read the full rules on Ali’s previous post linked above, but in a nutshell:

No more than 8 lines.  The poem must answer the question and use the word given.

Here goes:

Question:  Where is that smell coming from?

Word: Lunar

Have fun.