I thought I had come up with a brilliant scheme to confuse the monsters for long enough to let us all out of here.
I revealed to them that the title of the 8th (and final) Jimmy Coates book will be a single word beginning with G. And for a while I really had them scratching their heads. (And other parts of their monstrous anatomy that I don’t think I could name even if I hadn’t given up GCSE biology.)
Over the last 24 hours, the monsters (and a few readers) have guessed: Ghost, Guerilla, Gift, Gold, Guppy, Glorioso, Gumdrops, Guinness, Goofy, Gonzo, Game Over, Giddy Up, Goldfinger, Gold Thumb, Guns of Navarone and many, many more G-words.
Each time I told the monsters they were wrong, they spun about in confusion, wailing and moaning. I knew that just a few more hours of that and I’d have them. They’d turn on each other and all the authors could slip away.
But they didn’t. They turned on my instead. And they’re torturing me with every possible means they can think of that begins with G.
I’ve been grilled, ground up, gassed, galvanised, germinated (that was particularly unpleasant), groused, galumphed, gobsmacked, gophered and generally tormented.
The pain is giving me delusions. I’m starting to think maybe I should call the last book Jimmy Coates: Guppy after all.
(First person to guess the right answer before it’s officially announced wins a complete set of signed Jimmy Coates books by the way. Wait, did I just promise to give away a set of books? Must be another delusion.)
05/02/2009 at 9:23 am Permalink
Gummybears
05/02/2009 at 9:41 am Permalink
Ginger bread men, galactic, garlic bread, genesis, Galileo, gamma, garnish, gas, gatecrasher, guns, gecko, gauntlet, gazelle, guillotine, gears, grass, (hair) gel, Geneva, gnome, grammar, glacier, glory, Gnathostomata, goat, google, googleplex, gregorian, grim, guilt, grocery, gin
05/02/2009 at 9:54 am Permalink
Jimmy Coates: Girl
Now, that would be a plot twist…
05/02/2009 at 9:58 am Permalink
Nope, I’m still going for “Jimmy Coates: Gotcha”, in which Jimmy finds out the whole genetically engineered superspy thing is one big hoax by Noel Edmonds.
Or “Jimmy Coates: Git”, in which he beats up innocent people in the street for a laugh, and steals teddy bears from babies’ prams.
Or “Jimmy Coates: Great”. Just 50,000 words of Jimmy reflecting on how utterly brilliant he is.
Am I close? Do I win?
05/02/2009 at 10:32 am Permalink
Or “Jimmy Coates: Gremlin” in which someone accidentally feeds him after midnight – with terrifying yet hilarious consequences.
Or “Jimmy Coates: Gaaah!” Just a whole book filled with Jimmy shaking his fist at people and going “Gaaah!”
Or … or … or …
Okay, I’m out of ideas. I give up.
WAIT, THAT’S IT! “Jimmy Coates: Gives Up”. He’s decided enough’s enough. All this fighting and running about is only going to end in tears, so he calls the whole thing off and retires to a cottage in the Cotswalds.
06/02/2009 at 7:19 am Permalink
I like “Jimmy Coates: Gaberdine”.
06/02/2009 at 9:53 pm Permalink
Guilt? Guerrilla? Guardian? Guard? Grudge? Grrrrrr