CURSE OF THE MAGNA-COW
Lightning, as Mrs Cow was about to discover, hurts.
But it doesn’t only hurt. Sometimes lightning can make strange, wondrous things happen. Sometimes, lightning can be almost magical.
Mostly, though, it just plain hurts.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!
See?
Mrs Cow didn’t ask to be struck by lightning. In fact, it’s probably safe to say that Mrs Cow didn’t want to be struck by lightning. Sometimes, though, bad things happen. Even to cows.
When the lightning hit, Mrs Cow’s first thought was for the safety of Baby Cow, who was snuggled inside her belly, not yet ready to be born.
(Actually, her first thought was ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!’ but her very next thought was all about her baby.)
‘My poor Baby Cow!’ wailed Mrs Cow, still smoking gently where the lighting had hit her. ‘What will become of him?’
‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ promised Mr Cow, who was sneakily toasting a marshmallow over his wife’s back. ‘Baby Cow will be fine.’
And a few weeks later, when he was finally ready to come out, Baby Cow was fine. Sort of.
Like most calves, Baby Cow had four legs, one tail, two eyes, one head, two ears, one mouth, one nose (with two nostrils), and a big fat red tongue. But unlike other cows his age – or other cows of any age, for that matter – Baby Cow’s skin was bright green, and glowed faintly in the dark.
That wasn’t Baby Cow’s real problem, though. Oh goodness, no. Baby Cow had a much bigger problem. A problem that started with a spoon.
‘What’s this shiny thing, Mum?’ asked Baby Cow, a few short days after he was born.
‘Why, that’s a spoon, dear,’ said Mrs Cow. ‘Humans use them to eat with.’
‘Oh, right,’ nodded Baby Cow. ‘So why is it stuck to my face?’
Mrs Cow didn’t know. Nor did Mr Cow. Indeed, none of the cattle in the lower field could say why a spoon should have become stuck to Baby Cow.
Nor could they say why, just three day later, a rusty old horseshoe leaped up from the grass and stuck to Baby Cow’s belly. Or why whole bars of the metal fence came flying off and clung to him whenever he wandered too near.
You see, what the cows didn’t know was that Baby Cow was, in fact, the world’s first (and only) Magna-Cow…
20/01/2009 at 11:26 pm Permalink
Go on! Finish it! You know you want to. Does the baby magna-cow feel a strange attraction to field coils? How does it react to electric fences? The monsters are all on the edge of their tentacles with suspense. (As is at least one of the authors …!)
21/01/2009 at 12:26 am Permalink
I think Magna-Cow’s nemesis should be called King John, and at 12.15 every day King John chases Magna-Cow with a marker pen, trying to sign him.
21/01/2009 at 10:31 am Permalink
Myabe Mangna-Cow could attract a spaceship full of monster-eating aliens and help you all get out of the cave?
p.s. where did the spoon come from??
21/01/2009 at 10:32 am Permalink
PS. I can spell but a monster was breathing over my shoulder and I got nervous.
21/01/2009 at 12:38 pm Permalink
Whoo-hoo! Baz – your very funny and frustratingly short story has attracted someone from the outside world! Karen! Karen! Saaaaaaaave uuuuuus!
21/01/2009 at 8:08 pm Permalink
Hi Karen,
That’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should turn Magna-Cow’s tale into a Choose Your Own Adventure type thingy, with site visitors deciding which path his story takes. Hmm …
Oh, and it’s perfectly normal to find a spoon in a field. It was a wild spoon, obviously. A domestic spoon – you wouldn’t find one of those in a field, but a wild one? You betcha.
22/01/2009 at 3:05 am Permalink
A Flux Capacitor cranked up past the usual 1.21 Gigawatts will have that cow sorted in no time!
22/01/2009 at 10:27 am Permalink
One-point-twenty-one Gigawatts! One-point-twenty-one Gigawatts!
Great Scott!
22/01/2009 at 8:50 pm Permalink
I’ve put out the word for a monster-catcher, Ali. Just hold on in there you guys!
And Baz, a choose your own adventure thingy sounds brilliant. It might confuse the monsters too.