Do you know what? I think there may have actually been a mistake. I mean, I don’t see any of the monsters from my books around here. It’s true we were intending harm on monsters in the new anthology, but how did these monsters know to get me? I know I’ve been quick to ingratiate [...]
Archive > January 2009
The Love Song Of P Aggle Bananapits
OK – I think the one with banana type growths in its armpits may possibly have taken a shine to me. It seems that poking a soggy chip in my ear and saying ‘ibble’ is a sign of affection. So, having noted the benefits that Mark and Baz and Tom have scored, I rashly promised [...]
Three Can Play At That Game
Oh! So, look at Mark and Baz getting treats and favours from the monsters because they both suddenly went from “You can’t keep me trapped in here!” to “Here’s a poem for you, my lovely-horned, glistening overlords. Would you like me to kiss your tentacles while I’m at it?” A place to sleep that doesn’t [...]
A poem by B. Hutchison (aged 31)
Great. Thanks a bunch, Mark. It seems the beasts holding me in my cell were highly amused by Mr Robson’s recent display of poetic genius. They’ve insisted I write one, too. I tried to explain that poetry isn’t really my thing. I told them I’ve never even attempted to write a poem in my life. [...]
Oh dear
Further to my last post, I have just this very moment spotted the messages you guys have written. Monsters, you say. Kidnapping plot. Held against our will. Interesting … … HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Baz PS – I have also just realised my toilet doesn’t flush. PPS – And that I don’t actually seem to have a toilet.
I think there’s been a mistake
Hello? … Hellooooo? Anyone? Look, I know I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the carriage, and I apologise if I started snoring, but this is a bit much, isn’t it, guys? I’d have understood a sharp elbow in my ribs. I’d have accepted a telling off when I woke up. But locking me in a [...]
Dear Mum
Dear Mum, I’ve been captured by monsters. They’ve got me locked up in a cave. It’s dark and it’s damp and it’s smelly. They’ll eat me if I don’t behave. I know that you told me to listen. It seems you were right all these years. You warned me that bad things would happen, If [...]
It’s Dark in here!
Eeek! What is this place? *Must remember training. Must remember training!* Name: Mark Robson Number: 8028871K Rank: Umm … civilian Date of Birth: 27 May 66 Pssst! Guys, guys … you haven’t been telling them stuff, have you? Remember the Geneva Convention. Don’t give them anything they can use against you. What? They haven’t heard [...]
Testing, testing, testing!
My goodness, this is all so new… …clean white page… …should I be wearing gloves? Hallooooo? Tap, tap, tap. Is there anybody there?
Worrying odours
Blaggadagga! That’s the only thing they’ve said to me so far – those two little orange ones on guard duty. And their breath smells of cheese and Polos. That worries me a lot for some reason. I know I’ve had it coming too, after the way I have flattened, exploded or drowned (in custard) assorted [...]
