Do you know what? I think there may have actually been a mistake. I mean, I don’t see any of the monsters from my books around here. It’s true we were intending harm on monsters in the new anthology, but how did these monsters know to get me?
I know I’ve been quick to ingratiate myself to them, and have already established myself as Monsters’ Pet, but that’s me all over. I’ve been told I can sell snow to Eskimos, so I figure winning round a few monsters shouldn’t prove too difficult. Then I started looking around for some of my guys and realised none of them are here …
Ah! Hmm. On second thoughts, perhaps there’s a good reason for that.
Forging of the Sword: the Firedrake – dead. Killed (sword through the eye) by the banished Earl, Demarr.
Trail of the Huntress: Lizard men, goblins, trolls and various other monsters – dead. Slaughtered by Baron Keevan’s patrol led by Corporal Alana.
Trail of the Huntress again: Krill shadow demon – dead. Killed by Jenna with a demonsbane tipped arrow.
Trail of the Huntress yet again: Gorvath shape-shifting demon – dead. Killed by Earl Demarr - demonsbane knife thrust into its chest.
The Chosen One: Two Naksa demons – dead. Blasted by Calvyn’s magical sword.
The Chosen One again: Krill shadow demon – dead. Killed by Jenna with a demonsbane knife.
Dragon Orb – Shadow: Night Dragon – dead. Ripped to pieces by griffins.
Come to think of it, apart from some of the dragons in my new series and the griffins, none of my monsters have survived long enough to come after me. This cave isn’t big enough for a dragon to fit in (they might be outside, I suppose) and I’ve done nothing to upset the griffins, so I guess that’s why I don’t recognise many.
Have you other guys recognised any of them yet? I think I heard a Gloamglozer earlier, and there was a noise outside that sounded suspiciously like a Jabberwock. That rumbling we heard could have been a Grokkel, though I hope to goodness it wasn’t. The monsters in here are pretty disgusting, but I haven’t actually managed to pinpoint their origins yet.
That little guy who brought in the bowl of slime earlier, I’ve dubbed ‘Blusterfart the Unsteady’, and his orange friend with the strange teeth and the wonky snout, I’m calling ‘Snaggletooth Bentnose’. I’m not quite sure whether I was supposed to eat the slime, or wash my hands in it. Looked like Swarfega to me.
18/01/2009 at 9:19 pm Permalink
If there was a Jabberwock around we’d have heard it wiffling through the tulgey wood and burbling as it came. I have this on good authority from Lewis Carroll.
18/01/2009 at 9:38 pm Permalink
There’s been quite a bit of wiffling, but I think that was Joe. Sam’s more of the burbling kind … when he’s not going WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
18/01/2009 at 11:46 pm Permalink
Yeah, the wiffling was me. Sorry. Must have been the humous.
19/01/2009 at 12:33 am Permalink
Humous? You thought that was humous! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
19/01/2009 at 9:57 pm Permalink
Oh great, Mark, go ahead and list all the monsters you’ve had killed, and give exact details as to how you’ve done it. That’s really going to help win them round that is.
19/01/2009 at 10:43 pm Permalink
OK, OK, so I didn’t think that post through very carefully before I pressed send. All the priviledges I gained from my poem have been revoked … and the brown sludge puddle that smells of – no, I don’t want to think about it – has been reinstated with interest. I guess I’m just going to have to go back to the drafting paper.